let's be honest.

Let's just be honest with each other today.  I am a person who likes to hide all the things I "fail at", but today let's be honest.

1--My kids watch entirely too much television.
2--I have terrible time management when it comes to my personal life.
3--Sometimes, I am lazy.
4--I set my expectation level for myself WAY too high.
5--I still drink soda. I try to quit every month but always find the goodness drawing me back in.

There, I said it. I said things that I don't like to say. I feel with how much time so many of us spend on social media, pinterest, blogs....we forget the real things in life. You see I don't post photos to Instagram of my mountain of dirty laundry in the back, or of my daughter with playdough ring around her mouth from eating her sensory activity. I also don't post pictures of my kids watching television very often. Instead I post my nicely clean home with nicely clean children doing fun sensory activities or projects. We selectively weed out all the things we don't want other people to see, to judge us by. We pick and choose what we want people to judge us by. And I can't help but think that if I do that then so do other people. The same people I set my standard level to be like. The same people you probably set your standard levels to as well.

Today I made the decision that in March I will be transparent. I will post pictures of my real life and my real mess alongside all the real fun things and we often do to instagram. I will show the real me and my real life not just the things that make myself look good.

Friend, will you join me in a transparency challenge for the month of March? 

tonsils and adenoids.

they are terrible and awful and mean to my little boy.

Thursday we travelled down to Little Rock, the "big city" as Lockland refers to it, so that Lockland could have his tonsils and adenoids taken out. I hadn't worried too much about the surgery because I know it's a very routine surgery and honestly, I held it together very well until I saw him in recovery. My sweet little boy was flat out miserable. Once they finally got him comfortable we got to head back to a post-op room. He seemed to be doing great. He drank some juice and ate a popsicle. And then he realized something was different. Being that he is a sensory kid I knew the whole process would be a little rough but I hadn't thought about the fact that the scabs would drive him INSANE. Lockland was trying his hardest to throw up the scabs. We finally got him calmed down and now he is doing wonderfully for just having hard surgery.

I wanted to be able to be all momma proud of myself and feed him fairly nutritional things post surgery but y'all--

chocolate ice cream for the win.

But I can tell you one big absolute "no, no" that I truly wish the nurse would have forewarned us of {if you are a nurse kindly advise your parents of this knowledge} NEVER, EVER give a child anything red to eat after a surgery because when they throw it up after your hour and a half drive back home you will think they are throwing up blood and rush back to the local emergency room. Just a word for the wise. NO RED. Don't do it.

Even if it is a delicious red ICEE...

Also, yes once again it is blurry iPhone photos for the win.

my favorite.

Late nights. Early mornings. Little alone time. None of that matters. 

YOU, both of YOU, are my favorite job. 

{pictures courtesy of my trusty iPhone. I will break out my Nikon one of these days}

Lord, thank you for my beautiful children and the gift of motherhood. I feel truly blessed each and every day and sometimes cannot believe this is my life and that you have blessed me so immensely when I often fail at doing what You ask of me. Help me to be a positive influence to them and teach them to walk in your ways and be little lights in this world. In your name, amen. 

february goals

Writing out goals is always a happy thing for me. I love making goals for myself. 

{one} SURVIVE. Yep, you read that write--survive. Keith recently went back to school and this month is crazy busy. Yes, my husband has a full time job, is a youth pastor, and a full time student. Have I ever said my life is chaos?! I'm slowly learning to adjust to having more responsibilities for the time being while my husband follows God's plan for him. 

{two} send valentine's cards to some of our loved ones. Because why not? I didn't get around to Christmas cards this past year so why not send out Valentine's cards?!

{three} continue to work on my calling. God has recently laid out a plan for what He wants me to do so I'm going to work hard on it this month. More details to come about this. EEK. I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT THOUGH. 

What are some of your goals for this month?

glass half empty.

I am a glass half full kind of person. I prefer to see the positives in things instead of the negatives. Life is short so why dwell on the negatives right? Last night was a glass half empty kind of night. Ever since we moved I have really struggled with Lila Mae. Struggled for a consistent bedtime, struggled to get her to stay asleep, just struggled with all things sleep related. I know she has had a LOT of change since we moved here and that is always hard on little ones, but I've began to grow weary. 

What am I doing wrong? Why will she not go to bed? I've done all her pediatrician recommended. Melatonin-check. Epsom salt bath-check. Consistent bedtime (except for when at church)-check. Bedtime routine-check. What's left to try momma? What can change to make her sleep better? 

All these questions run through my head nearly every night as I sit up awake with Lila Mae for 3, 4, and yes sometimes 5 hours. Last night was a struggle to get her to bed. She finally went down at 10 p.m.  and then she woke up at 1:50 and stayed awake until nearly 6:30. Yes, six thirty. When I finally got to go back to bed, I just cried. I have reached a point that I honestly feel I have failed her. I know it's crucial she get good sleep so she can develop and thrive properly. This little momma heart shatters into a million pieces because she's not getting that sleep. And then I don't get sleep so my attitude, my temper, are on a shorter lease. I've prayed, prayed, prayed. Lord please help me figure out how to comfort her, how to teach her to be comforted. Lord, I don't know what to do. 

I don't write this all to make you feel sorry for me. Really, I don't. I have become accustomed to not sleeping well. Rather I write this is say momma you are not alone. Every momma has her struggles, her worries, and anxieties over her babies. After all, 

motherhood did not come with a manual. 

Oh but how I wish it did. I truly believe times like last night, and the other nights where this frequently happens, are a small reminder for me that I don't have control, that I need to cast my burdens, my sorrows on Him. He will provide, He will take care of me and my Lila Mae. I need to learn to listen to that still small voice and trust that He's going to take care of me in my situation. I need to listen to His instructions on how to help my little girl. I need to pray for guidance because I truly do not know what to do!

I think all too often as momma's we just get overwhelmed and we feel helpless. How blessed are we that our Helper is the ultimate Helper? Let's not forget that this weekend and as we go about our weeks. In those moments we feel broken, helpless, tired, and worn let's just say His name--Jesus. There is power in the name of Jesus. And let's pray. Pray for our own situations and pray for other momma's too. We all have our own trials. 

"casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:7