my favorite.

Late nights. Early mornings. Little alone time. None of that matters. 

YOU, both of YOU, are my favorite job. 

{pictures courtesy of my trusty iPhone. I will break out my Nikon one of these days}

Lord, thank you for my beautiful children and the gift of motherhood. I feel truly blessed each and every day and sometimes cannot believe this is my life and that you have blessed me so immensely when I often fail at doing what You ask of me. Help me to be a positive influence to them and teach them to walk in your ways and be little lights in this world. In your name, amen. 

february goals

Writing out goals is always a happy thing for me. I love making goals for myself. 

{one} SURVIVE. Yep, you read that write--survive. Keith recently went back to school and this month is crazy busy. Yes, my husband has a full time job, is a youth pastor, and a full time student. Have I ever said my life is chaos?! I'm slowly learning to adjust to having more responsibilities for the time being while my husband follows God's plan for him. 

{two} send valentine's cards to some of our loved ones. Because why not? I didn't get around to Christmas cards this past year so why not send out Valentine's cards?!

{three} continue to work on my calling. God has recently laid out a plan for what He wants me to do so I'm going to work hard on it this month. More details to come about this. EEK. I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT THOUGH. 

What are some of your goals for this month?

glass half empty.

I am a glass half full kind of person. I prefer to see the positives in things instead of the negatives. Life is short so why dwell on the negatives right? Last night was a glass half empty kind of night. Ever since we moved I have really struggled with Lila Mae. Struggled for a consistent bedtime, struggled to get her to stay asleep, just struggled with all things sleep related. I know she has had a LOT of change since we moved here and that is always hard on little ones, but I've began to grow weary. 

What am I doing wrong? Why will she not go to bed? I've done all her pediatrician recommended. Melatonin-check. Epsom salt bath-check. Consistent bedtime (except for when at church)-check. Bedtime routine-check. What's left to try momma? What can change to make her sleep better? 

All these questions run through my head nearly every night as I sit up awake with Lila Mae for 3, 4, and yes sometimes 5 hours. Last night was a struggle to get her to bed. She finally went down at 10 p.m.  and then she woke up at 1:50 and stayed awake until nearly 6:30. Yes, six thirty. When I finally got to go back to bed, I just cried. I have reached a point that I honestly feel I have failed her. I know it's crucial she get good sleep so she can develop and thrive properly. This little momma heart shatters into a million pieces because she's not getting that sleep. And then I don't get sleep so my attitude, my temper, are on a shorter lease. I've prayed, prayed, prayed. Lord please help me figure out how to comfort her, how to teach her to be comforted. Lord, I don't know what to do. 

I don't write this all to make you feel sorry for me. Really, I don't. I have become accustomed to not sleeping well. Rather I write this is say momma you are not alone. Every momma has her struggles, her worries, and anxieties over her babies. After all, 

motherhood did not come with a manual. 

Oh but how I wish it did. I truly believe times like last night, and the other nights where this frequently happens, are a small reminder for me that I don't have control, that I need to cast my burdens, my sorrows on Him. He will provide, He will take care of me and my Lila Mae. I need to learn to listen to that still small voice and trust that He's going to take care of me in my situation. I need to listen to His instructions on how to help my little girl. I need to pray for guidance because I truly do not know what to do!

I think all too often as momma's we just get overwhelmed and we feel helpless. How blessed are we that our Helper is the ultimate Helper? Let's not forget that this weekend and as we go about our weeks. In those moments we feel broken, helpless, tired, and worn let's just say His name--Jesus. There is power in the name of Jesus. And let's pray. Pray for our own situations and pray for other momma's too. We all have our own trials. 

"casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:7

the rainbow in the whining.

Today has been a pretty hard momma day. Both Lockland and Lila Mae have been sick this week so we have spent very little town out of the house even after they were no longer contagious simply because I don't want them to pick up other germs before they are fully healthy again. Helicopter mom much? The kids are ready to be out and about playing, in school, at just doing their normal things so today they have become pretty whiny. Their toys no longer entertain them, TV is old news, momma is old news, you get the picture. I was feeling very bleh about the whole day and was just ready for bedtime to roll around and then I read a story about someone I have met since I moved to Batesville and my whole day changed. Can I just say I AM BLESSED IMMENSELY AND SO UNDESERVING OF MY BLESSINGS? 

Lord, thank you for my immense blessings. I know I have done nothing to deserve such a beautiful life and a beautiful story thus far so I thank you. Thank you for my husband, our children, our health--you always provide for us Father. Often times it's hard for me to see this as you don't always provide in the way that I want, but thank you for providing. And thank you for teaching me that I must decrease so that You may increase. Greater are You than he that is in this world. I am humbled by your blessings Lord. Thank you. In Your lovely name I pray, amen.

a Lockland update.

{some of this is repetition, but a lot is new. If you aren't familiar with Lockland's story you can look back at this post or this post}

Let me just tell you...moving to Batesville has done wonders for Lockland. As I have briefly mentioned before...since we moved here Lockland started school at STARS Academy. They focus on children with different special needs or simply just kids in need of therapy. All of his therapy is available at the school during the day. Most of his day, however, is spent in your typical preschool classroom complete with food, fun, circle time, and of course nap time. His speech is a whole new world as well as his social skills thanks to STARS. He even tested out of speech therapy! 

It brought much joy to my heart this Christmas season to hear him singing all the cute kid Christmas songs as well as saying his signature line "Happy, Merry Christmas!". And this year Lockland even participated in opening each and every one of his presents without being overwhelmed by the amount of people around him. Proud momma.

We still have our day-to-day sensory processing kid struggles but they are much better now that Lockland can finally communicate efficiently with us. And with that communication finally came the potty training! WOOT WOOT. Food is still a challenge as he is extremely picky and often times he rejects many foods. But honestly that isn't much different than your typical four year old anyway. His stimming is still probably our biggest obstacle. We have yet to find a calming technique that is effective for him. His new pediatrician is going to recommend him to try a weighted vest and blanket at school to see if they would help him out! 

He has become the BEST big brother a little girl could ever ask for. He's very protective of his sister, loves to play with her, and also loves to help her out. They actually play pretty awesome together too. 

One cute story to finish out his brief update....

Lila Mae- "No way"

Lockland-yes way!

Lila Mae "No way!"

Lockland "Jose!"

2015 bucket list.

2015 needs a bucket list for me. A list of things I will do, of things I will accomplish because why not?

one// family photographs. real professional (looking at least) photographs because we have none.

zero. zelch. & it breaks my heart a little more every day. 

two// master bedroom. Keith and I have never had a nice looking master bedroom, and I would love to create a beautiful space for just us because our marriage is important and we could sure use a little personal space that's just right. 

three// goodbye debt. I want to really buckle down on our budget so we can say goodbye to at least two debts this year. 

four// read the Bible together as a family. Christ should be the center of all of our home but I feel like often times He is not. I don't want to feel that way this year. 

five// take a vacation as a family. Maybe just a small day trip but something just the four of us.

six// become an oily family. I want to start using more essential oils. I love all the testimonies I hear and would love to see what they could do for my family.

seven// create traditions. currently we have ZERO traditions and that bothers this momma who wants to have some fun traditions my kiddos will remember.

I could go on but I don't want to be realistic and honestly (sadly), seven bucket list things are probably as good as it will get for us. 

What is one thing you hope to accomplish in 2015? 

organization.

At the beginning of every year I like to try and start off with a clean, organized home. This year I was semi-successful in doing so. My wonderful grandma-in-law (is that such a thing?) gave me the cutest basket for Christmas this year. I absolutely love it, but the color didn't match my color scheme even though it was absolutely beautiful. Nothing a little spray paint can't fix. 

Adorable basket right? The rectangle in the back is home to a small chalkboard you will see in a minute. I decided to spray it a great neutral--gold. I'm totally loving gold right now. 

And let me tell you. I LOVE the basket in gold. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I still hadn't completely decided what to do with the basket but once I got it painted I knew exactly what I wanted to use it for. It's basically my "to-go" desk. Since we are living with my in-laws currently, space is tight. Having all of my office things in one small basket would be great and very practical. The basket is now home to my beautiful Whitney English planner, pens, highlighters, sharpies, and my little filing system to keep me organized in between running all my bills and paperwork to the church where the filing cabinet currently is. 

Forgive my totally subpar photography skills. Hoping those will improve in 2015. ;) Also, can I just say I love washi tape? 

basket--Homegoods

planner -- Whitney English