november goals.

I finally have a fully working computer again, so hello blogging world. I love that my sister-in-law over at walking in between always lists out her goals for the month so much that I decided this month, and probably every month, I will do the same. 

one //  read my Bible every day. This shouldn't have to be in my goals. I should crave to do this every day. And honestly, i do. I crave to read my Bible every day but yet so many days go by and I'm "too busy" or "too tired". NOT AN EXCUSE, SELF, NOT AN EXCUSE.

two // take more pictures. I LOVE that on my new computer I can just put in my handy SD card. This makes life so much more convenient. 

three // budget. How many months can I say this and not do it? Budgeting is so important. Just do it Tiffani, just do it.

I could get crazy and list more. I really could. But then I look at my calendar and remember that this month is ABSOLUTELY crazy looking. 

What is one of your goals this November? 

When I pour my heart out, it goes something like this...

We all have this vision of what parenthood would be, should be and then parenthood happens. You might be a lucky one, I sure was with Lockland, or you may be like me. Sixteen months and two days in of not sleeping through the night. Sixteen months and two days in of having very little time to yourself. Sixteen months and two days in of having someone virtually awake from 7 am until 10 pm on a nightly basis.

Today is one of those days it really has caught up on me. I feel worn, tired, exhausted, and quite frankly not human. 

I struggle to write words to try and explain everything. I struggle because I partially feel like it's my own fault she doesn't sleep through the night. What could I, should I have done differently? Should I have done the "Cry it out" method that breaks my heart into a million pieces? Should I wean her so she doesn't want me/need me in the middle of the night? Should I have put her on a strict schedule during the day? 

But then a peace comes over me.

My daughter is happy. She loves to laugh. She is thriving. She loves me. She loves to snuggle me when I nurse her. She loves to hold me when she's sad and when she's happy too. She is WORTH it. She is worth all of it.

There is no guarantee that anything I could try or do would change the fact that she doesn't sleep as well as her brother. So tonight (as Lila Mae is actually asleep before her usual bedtime because daddy put her to bed) I will have the peace, comfort, and joy in knowing that my daughter is happy. My daughter won't always be little. She won't always want me in the middle of the night. She wont always want to snuggle. And ten years from now I bet I will look back and cherish this time I had with her. After all, they are only little for a short time.

               

Lord, 

Thank you for the gift of motherhood. Not every woman is so lucky to have not one, but two beautiful children. I know I all to often complain of being sleepless but Father, I just THANK YOU for the gift that makes me sleepless. Thank you Father for the little girl who hates sleep because the little girl who hates sleep is a gift that can come only from You. I pray I stop and think of her a gift when I'm stressed, tired, and exhausted.  I also pray Father that I do not let my exhaustion affect my actions and my speech Father. Let me speak with grace and love even when I feel like a ticking time bomb.  I ask forgiveness for the times today that I spoke hatefully and let my exhaustion speak louder than my love Father. Help me to learn the power of my tongue and when I should bite it. Help me to season my words with grace Father. Thank you once more for the gift of motherhood, for my sleepless nights.

In Your name, Amen

Sorry for the poor quality images. Straight up iPhone photos. One day my computer will have room to upload pictures. One day when my external hard drive becomes my friend and not my enemy.

update.

As much as I love blogging, I love my family even more. Even though this year it was my {original} intention to really blog more and get in the habit on blogging, I realized something else before embarking on that journey.

I needed to just settle in and get a good Christian, wife, and mommy routine down.

My typical life is chaos right now. I don't have a laundry routine, I don't have a day to day routine, I don't even have a wake-up time or a goodnight time. CHAOS. CRAZY. HECTIC. And this greatly bothers me. I want to not dwell on having a good blog post or taking pictures for my blog posts but rather live in the moment of being a mommy. I know there are bloggers out there who have a good routine in place and can take pictures without taking away from mommy time but I'm not there yet. So why the chaos you ask? We moved. That's right--we left our much loved Northwest Arkansas for a new life in Northeast/Central Arkansas as youth pastors. We are loving our job as youth pastors but still settling in in all other aspects. Right now we are living with my wonderful in-laws--which has been another adjustment. It's a challenge to move from your own almost 1,300 square foot house into two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a couple of kitchen cabinets, but we are grateful to have a place to live here while we get settled into jobs and deciding where to live. Lockland has started at a wonderful school here in Batesville that i ABSOLUTELY love. The progress we have seen since he started is absolutely surreal. He can now drink out of a cup and jump with TWO feet off the ground. He also sings his ABC's and my "No more monkey's jumping on the bed" just to name two. Lila Mae has regressed sleep wise but other than that is a happy, learning little girl. She finally, at 15 months, hit 20 pounds so she is still mommy's itty bitty. Perhaps the biggest adjustment this far has simply been that Keith is working two jobs. He is a youth pastor "part time" (any of you involved in youth ministry no that there is no such thing as part time, ha) and WalMart associate full-time. It has been hard on this momma to see less of her husband but we know we are in God's will for our lives and still VERY happy. Okay, I'm done with this long post now. It's hard to catch everyone up on 7 months of missed life. Hopefully as I settle into my new normal, I will be able to follow my blogging dream to it's full potential. 

{for picture updates on the morris family follow me on instagram}

♥

Hello. My name is...

Hello. My name is Lockland. I'm the most handsome three year old in the entire world, and I have sensory processing disorder. I also have stereotypic movement disorder & mixed developmental disorder. BUT I am NOT autistic.
                 
 

{Lockland and I at the Schmeiding Center during one of our breaks.} 

"The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!" Psalm 126:3

Keith and I are feeling so blessed by Lockland's diagnoses. While we would have loved and embraced Lockland if he was autistic, no parent wants that for their child. That being said we still have a long journey ahead of us and many mountains to climb. But now we have a place to start! His wonderful doctor feels his hand stimming is probably triggered by his sensory issues. Her hopes, and ours as well, are that once we get his sensory issues under control that his stimming will decrease. She gave us many articles to read as well as book recommendations! 

Just like you, we have many questions! I wish I could thoroughly explain to you what each diagnoses means for our sweet Lockland--but I can't. I am going to happily share the in's and out's and up's  down's of our journey right here on the blog though! 

Please continue to pray for our sweet, loving little boy!!

this little light of mine.

"This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let shine, 

let it shine. let it shine, let it shine.

I adore this song. Every since I became a mother this song has become something that inspires me.

Hide it under a bushel- NO, 

I'm gonna let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel- NO, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

Hide it under a bushel-NO, 

I'm gonna let it shine, 

let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

You see, this world is dark. This world desperately needs Jesus. I often question why I wanted to have children in such a dark world. I am often completely saddened by the things I see and hear about. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about the youth of this world and the things they have to endure, to tolerate. I'm young, twenty-three, but the things they go through now are much different than the things I went through just a few short years ago. 

Won't let Satan blow it out, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

Won't let Satan blow it out, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

Won't let Satan blow it out, 

I'm gonna let it shine, 

let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

&& then I remember this song. If I don't have children, who will be a light in the darkness for the future generations? If I don't have children to raise to be God-fearing, God-loving, Christ-like individuals how much more will the darkness close in? Granted I don't think raising that kind of child will be an easy task--the devil is everywhere. But it's Keith and I's job and one that I absolutely love. So every night when I tuck my precious little babies in to their warm, safe beds I sing...

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine. 

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine, 

let it shine. let it shine. let it shine.

froze in

It is bitterly cold here in Arkansas and the roads are still icy so the babies and I are froze in. But that doesn't mean we lacked fun! 

 

Lockland and I played with his new playdoh from his Grammie and did lots of sensory activities! Lila Mae was her usual self and in to everything. Recently she has learned to open cabinets! But my favorite thing we did today was make cookies! I recently found a chocolate chip cookie recipe I love, so I will share it with you! I wish I remembered where I found it, but I don't. If you know the creator please let me know so I can give them credit (and personally thank them)! 

You'll need: 

1 cup butter, softened 

1 cup white sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 teaspoons hot water

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 cups all purpose flour

2 cups chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

2. Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla. Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add the baking soda mixture to the batter along with the salt. Stir in the flour and chocolate chips. Drop by large spoonfuls unto ungreased pan (I love using my Pampered Chef stoneware!). 

3. Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven or until edges are nicely browned. 

Enjoy! 

twenty fourteen.

hello 2014. hello new goals. hello change. and hello blogging. 

THIS IS IT. My year to be successful, to accomplish goals, and fulfill dreams! I am READY. 

one- time to read my Bible. My whole Bible. 

two- time to read books. One every month.

three- time to blog. Monday through Friday. 

four- get my body in to shape. 

five- pay off debt. All of it would be nice but I'll take some! 

six- two dates every month with my husband. Make my marriage a priority. 

seven- budget. EVERY MONTH.

eight- pray more. A lot more.

nine- keep a clean house. 

ten- proverbs 31. Enough said.

eleven- drink more water. 

twelve- learn to say NO. NO NO NO! 

thirteen- bring friends to Jesus. bring strangers to Jesus. 

fourteen- do something for me every now and then. 

fifteen- keep a prayer journal. 

Ambitious much? Of course! 

What are your resolutions this year?